What If I Don’t Trust My Spouse to Be Transparent with Finances? Is Collaborative Practice a Good Option for Me? Part 3
Real-Life Scenario: How Collaborative Financial Disclosure Works
Consider a hypothetical couple: John and Jane. John manages most of the family’s finances. Jane has a rough idea of their budget but isn’t fully aware of all investments and accounts. As they head toward divorce, Jane worries about missing financial details—maybe an account John never mentioned or an outstanding loan John took out without telling Jane.
In a Collaborative Practice setting, the couple meets (along with their attorneys and a neutral financial professional) to outline what needs to be disclosed. The financial expert draws up a checklist: bank statements for every account, investment and retirement records, credit card bills, tax returns for the last three years, mortgage documents, and so on. John must provide these documents within a specified timeframe. The financial specialist then consolidates these records into a clear, shared report. If Jane still has questions—such as about a suspiciously large withdrawal—everyone discusses it openly. John explains, and if more records are needed, they’re requested.
In this scenario, Jane doesn’t have to navigate complicated financial discussions alone. Their attorney is there to ensure fairness, the financial expert is there to validate all disclosures, and the mental health coach (if one is included) can help manage Jane’s anxiety about honesty. Instead of a bitter legal battle, the focus is crafting a settlement that meets both spouses’ needs.
What Happens If a Spouse Withholds Information?
If you suspect your spouse is withholding documentation or not being forthright, you can raise this issue directly with the collaborative team. The attorneys, financial specialist, or coaches may request additional records to resolve discrepancies. Should your spouse refuse to produce the information, this lack of cooperation contradicts the very foundation of Collaborative Practice.
If the impasse becomes unresolvable and your spouse continues to hide or distort financial facts, the team may conclude that collaboration has failed. In that event, both attorneys must withdraw, and you would each need to hire new litigation counsel. While this can be a setback, it’s important to remember that if your spouse is genuinely unwilling to disclose finances in a structured, good-faith setting, litigation might indeed become necessary. However, many individuals realize that being forced to change legal teams, pay new retainers, and start from scratch can be far more costly—thus, they often return to the table willing to cooperate.
Protecting Your Interests and Peace of Mind
Even before you start the Collaborative Practice, you can protect your interests by gathering financial documents in your possession. Make copies of recent statements, tax returns, mortgage papers, etc. Having these records on hand will help your attorney and the financial professional spot any glaring gaps once the disclosure process begins.
If you struggle to trust the other spouse, immediately share these concerns with your Collaborative team. They can help you request more thorough disclosures or propose an extended timeline for document review. This will ensure that nothing important gets overlooked.
Remember, Collaborative Practice professionals are trained and ethically bound to facilitate an honest and transparent process. The neutral financial specialist is responsible for verifying data, and your attorney is there to advocate for your best interests. This accountability structure is one of the most substantial reasons that Collaborative Practice can work even when trust is low.
The Emotional Benefits of Collaboration
Moving beyond finances, Collaborative Practice also fosters healthier communication. This is particularly important if you and your spouse have children and will continue co-parenting long after the divorce is final. Learning to navigate disagreements more respectfully can set the stage for better cooperation down the road—whether sorting out college expenses for your kids or handling changes in parenting schedules.
A key advantage to Collaborative Practice is being surrounded by professionals on your team who understand the emotions of divorce, not just the legalities. This support network can help reduce anxiety and keep you focused on finding solutions rather than spiraling into adversarial tactics.
Deciding If Collaborative Practice Is Right for You
Ask yourself the following:
- Am I willing to commit to a process that requires open communication and no-court negotiations?
• Do I believe a neutral financial professional could help clarify discrepancies and ensure fairness?
• Am I prepared to work collaboratively—while still having my attorney protect my interests—to settle disagreements about money?
• Is it important to me to reduce the emotional cost (and potential public exposure) of a court battle?
If your answer is “yes” to most or all of these questions, then Collaborative Practice could be a good fit. Even if you’re worried about financial transparency, the structured disclosure procedures and neutral expert oversight may offer you more reassurance than in a more adversarial setting.
Conclusion
Distrust around finances doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker for Collaborative Practice. In fact, the structured, team-based approach is perfect to help couples proactively address issues and concerns about money. Your Collaborative team, consisting of professionals with legal, financial, and emotional training, works together to create a framework where honesty is not just encouraged—it’s required.
Check out Part 1 and Part 2 of this blog!
