How to Tell Your Children About the Divorce
Telling your kids about divorce feels overwhelming, but with the right approach, you can help them through this difficult transition. Your children need honesty, reassurance, and most importantly, they need to know this major life change isn’t their fault.
Unlike traditional court battles, which often create adversarial situations, collaborative divorce maintains a peaceful and respectful approach. You work with trained professionals who help you communicate more effectively and prioritize your children’s needs. This means less conflict, less stress, and better outcomes for your entire family.
When telling your children about your plans for divorce, here are some things to keep in mind:
Pick a quiet weekend morning when you won’t be interrupted by work calls or daily distractions. Ensure both parents are present to demonstrate that you remain a unified team when it comes to your children. This approach helps them feel more secure during these uncertain times.
For younger kids, stick to the basics: “Mom and Dad won’t be living together anymore, but we both love you very much.” Older children can handle more details, but avoid sharing inappropriate adult problems like financial issues or relationship conflicts.
Reassure them about the constants in their lives that will remain stable. You’ll both still be their parents forever. They’ll still go to the same school and see their friends. Their activities and favorite family traditions can continue in new ways.
Children will ask tough questions, such as “Where will I live?” and “Will you get back together?” It’s okay to say you’re still figuring out some details. What matters most is that they know both parents will always be there for them. Remember, the questions will continue, find grace.
Remember, how you handle this divorce will shape your family’s future relationships. Choosing collaboration over conflict gives your children the best chance to adjust and thrive.
Collaborative Practice San Diego is a nonprofit, multidisciplinary referral network of independent professionals, including attorneys, mental health professionals, and financial advisors, working together to learn, practice, and promote Collaborative Processes for problem-solving and the peaceful resolution of family law issues. Contact us today!
Note: This information is general in nature and should not be construed as legal/financial/tax/or mental health advice. You should work with your attorney, financial, mental health or tax professional to determine what will work best for your situation.
