10 Most Common Questions in Divorce and Other Stuff Everyone Should Know
#1 Where do I start?
Anyone who is contemplating divorce or who has been asked for a divorce, is usually overwhelmed. How do you wrap up a marriage? How do you take a family apart? Where will I live? Will I have enough money? How will the kids cope? Will I ever love again? Am I still lovable? Will I die alone? These are hard questions. There are many difficult, disorienting feelings to sort through. Where does a person even start. Over the next few weeks we will sift through some of these questions and hopefully, give you something to grab onto.
First, you need to decide is there an emergency? Do I need to get out because of a safety issue? Is there a financial emergency because your spouse just cleaned out the bank accounts or removed you from all of the accounts? If there is an urgency, then you may need to call a lawyer sooner rather than later.
If there is no emergency, then you have time to let the dust settle and give some thought to how this divorce should proceed. That is your next and a very important decision. Thankfully, you do have choices.
DIY- Do-It-Yourself: This is great for the college divorce. You and your spouse own nothing significant, no house, no retirement accounts, no businesses or rental property. You have no children. And, you’re pretty much in agreement on what you want to do. Check your court’s local website, you can find forms and some instructions there. Your local court may even offer in-person or on-line workshops. See if you qualify for a Summary Dissolution.
Mediation: You and your spouse work with a mediator, a neutral third party to resolve the issues in your divorce. The mediator is often a lawyer, but in this case does not represent either of you. The mediator provides you basic information, facilitates discussions of the issues and writes up you agreement at the end. In this process, you can also bring in a neutral financial professional to help sort out complicated finances. You may also each have a lawyer that you consult with outside of mediation or bring with you to mediation. You are the ultimate decision-makers. Mediation is confidential.
Collaborative Divorce: This is a team approach. The team consists of specially trained members. Each of you has your own lawyer and divorce coach, you share a neutral financial specialist and if you have children there is a neutral child specialist. Your team works with you as a family to help you create a divorce that is suited to your families needs. Both of you and the team agree not to go to court. As with mediation, you are the ultimate decision makers and the process is confidential.
Traditional Representation: Each of you hires a lawyer to represent you. After gathering information through formal processes like subpoenas and depositions, your lawyers may be able to work out some agreements. What can’t be agreed upon, is sorted out in court through a series of hearings and perhaps a trial. Here the Judge is the decision maker.
Each of these processes will result in a legal agreement that is enforceable by the court. Which process is right for you?
For more information, consider attending our Divorce Options Workshop which goes into each process in more detail and discusses the advantages and disadvantages of each.
Collaborative Practice San Diego is a nonprofit, multi-disciplinary referral network of independent professionals of attorneys, mental health professionals and financial advisors working together to learn, practice, and promote Collaborative processes for problem-solving and the peaceful resolution of family law issues, with an eye toward preserving the emotional, as well as the financial assets of the family.
Contact us today to see how we can help you and your spouse work towards a peaceful resolution for your marriage.
Note: This information is general in nature and should not be construed as legal/financial/tax/or mental health advice. You should work with your attorney, financial, mental health or tax professional to determine what will work best for your situation.
